


if you make me feel in love / if you make me open up

by volchitsae



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:26:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26252623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volchitsae/pseuds/volchitsae
Summary: “i skipped like four cycles of reincarnation and i know you’re pissed at me for leaving you all those lifetimes but it wasn’t my fault please please will you take me back” AU-“Atsumu, look at me.”“Ican’t,” Atsumu says, something desperate in his voice, eyes clenched shut. Sakusa strokes his fingertips along his damp cheekbones. “I’ve dreamt about this for too long. If I open my eyes and you’re not here, I don’t know what I’d do.”“I’m flattered you have wet dreams about me.”“Fuck you,” Atsumu laughs. His eyelashes are wet. “That’s exactly what you’d say when I’m tellin’ you my heart’s been broken, Omi-kun.”-sakuatsu nsfw week 2020, day 6: emotional sex + "i may have left some marks."
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 25
Kudos: 619
Collections: SakuAtsu NSFW Week





	1. then i'll blossom for you

The first thing he thinks of when his consciousness returns is that Sakusa has gotten himself into quite the pickle, waking up in this lifetime.

He’s woken up in his body in what seems to be a modern era timeline. His alarm wakes him up and he knows he has university classes to go to today, he has a cellphone, and he lives in an apartment. He knows he has sociology today as one of his classes. As he gets ready for the day, he tries to remember how exactly he’s come to be in this moment.

Waking up fully grown in a body that is meant to be his (he’s checked the mirror, it’s definitely him) is an anomaly in the reincarnation cycle he’s come to know. He’s not saying he knows a _lot_ about the reincarnation cycle he’s in – there are far more unknowns – but _this_ he is sure about.

The best way Sakusa can explain it is that he and Miya Atsumu are soulmates tied together by higher powers, fated to meet each other in every lifetime they live in, and recognizing each other as soulmates in each one.

Sakusa harbours a theory that the typical linear concept of the “lifetime” they live is more complicated than it seems – he and Atsumu don’t technically travel through time from past to present. He’s grown up in futuristic lifetimes and skipped right back to feudal times after and then back again. It’s more like their souls and their bond travel between different parallel universes and skip around linear spacetime, but they always are born together. There could be parallel Sakusas and Atsumus born, too; it’s within the realm of possibility, and he and Atsumu have had crises of identity before trying to figure this all out (they’ve attempted to communicate to the higher powers before to no avail).

What works for them is knowing they’ll find each other no matter what, and whenever they find each other, that alone is enough.

Nevertheless, the consistent pattern is that Sakusa Kiyoomi is born as an infant and grows up to meet Miya Atsumu at some point in his life, and then lives a life being aware they are soulmates, and when his life ends, when or wherever he is born next starts the new cycle. Suddenly waking up as a full-grown Sakusa Kiyoomi is _new_ , as new as it can get for someone who is aware he’s part of a reincarnation cycle and has been part of this cycle for what he perceives to be since basically forever.

That’s new, too – waking up knowing he’s got a soulmate without ever having met him yet. They always realize and remember they’re soulmates when they meet. Whether they can fall in love as romantic soulmates in each lifetime is an entirely different story.

Sakusa gets ready to head out for class, head swimming in memories.

* * *

“You will be engaged to one of the crown princes of a neighboring nation,” Sakusa’s mother says, adjusting his robes.

“Shiratorizawa?”

“No, Inarizaki.”

“One of the Miya twins, then?”

“One of them. They haven’t mentioned which one of the twins yet; rumor has it they’re both trying to avoid marriage.”

“How fortuitous,” Sakusa deadpans, and his mother chides him for it on their way to the banquet hall. His sight is fixed on Miya Atsumu making his introductions about the room for the rest of the evening.

It turns out Sakusa is engaged to Osamu; and Sakusa is completely solemn during the ceremony several weeks later, the burning knowledge of Atsumu standing across from him but not in front of him rendering him speechless. Atsumu doesn’t say anything either and barely looks at Sakusa at all. Sakusa and Osamu are both crowned at this wedding-coronation ceremony, white petals getting caught into their dark hair. Duty calls.

He retires to the new bedchambers after Osamu leaves the banquet hall, ignoring the teasing from the crowd about the wedding night. The doors loom quiet and dark. When he opens them, Osamu is silent on the bed and faces away from him.

“Your Grace,” Sakusa says, closing the door behind him. “I understand this betrothal is not at the most ideal time –“

“I had no idea you would be so uptight even in the marriage bed, Omi-kun.” Atsumu turns, his dark hair identical to his twin’s familiar and not at the same time. The ceremonial robes that were on Osamu glitter in the candlelight. 

Sakusa freezes. “You swapped places? When?”

“And here I’d thought you’d be happier to see me.”

Sakusa approaches him and presses a slow, lingering kiss at the soft skin underneath Atsumu’s ear. Atsumu shivers. “Is this treason?”

“Does it matter?" Atsumu’s hands curl into his doublet and pull. “We can figure out the details in time. You have a marriage to consummate, Your Grace. For the good of the country.”

It should feel selfish. It doesn’t.

* * *

“Your target is Miya Atsumu.” His handler flicks open the file and presents the information and the photograph of a man in a suit sprinting down a hotel hallway. “One half of Gemini Oracle, the twin assassin team contracted by our adversaries. Osamu is dead and Atsumu is on a vengeance streak. We’ll drop you by helicopter to the outskirts of the city he was last seen in. Travel inwards and find him.”

Sakusa stares out the train window. He wonders whether Miya Atsumu is really seeking revenge or if he wants death, instead.

When they meet, heat floods Sakusa’s body. They stare at each other in the middle of a hotel bedroom; Sakusa has attempted to murder Atsumu in his sleep, but Atsumu keeps a gun under his pillow.

“You’re my soulmate,” Miya Atsumu says, eyes bright and smile wide.

Sakusa reloads his gun in response. “I have to kill you.” His heart pounds – is it love or adrenaline? With Atsumu, it’s all the same.

“Not if I kill _you_ first.”

Atsumu does, eventually. Their cat-and-mouse chase has taken them across years and countless country borders and the entire topography of Sakusa’s heart. Sakusa’s laid himself as bait in a trap in this empty warehouse in the middle of nowhere and they’ve been chasing each other in it for the better part of an hour. He whirls, suit jacket swirling behind him, just as a throwing knife whizzes past his ear.

“Damn, almost had ya,” Atsumu swears, and reels back to let Sakusa have a turn. Sakusa picks up a sprint and skids around the hallway to slam into Atsumu’s body running in the opposite direction. They go down in a mess of limbs and Atsumu is able to break free, clambering to his feet.

He’s not fast enough. Sakusa is already there in his face, the butt of his gun coming down towards Atsumu’s temple; Atsumu blocks it with one arm and swings a punch at Sakusa’s nose, which he dodges. Their panting and the sound of blood pounding fills his ears. Sakusa is too focused on the chase, on the game, on the breathless way Atsumu laughs - 

The knife in his chest feels like heartbreak. The way Atsumu cradles his body as they sink to the floor feels like salvation.

Shock and accomplishment flickers across Atsumu’s face. He opens his mouth.

“I’m – ” Sakusa fists Atsumu’s jacket with the strength he has left, not letting Atsumu finish the apology.

“You caught me,” Sakusa says, his breath caught somewhere between his lungs and his ribcage, air in all the wrong places. Atsumu’s expression is unreadable.

“I caught you,” Atsumu murmurs. "I win this round, Omi-Omi." Sakusa’s vision is blurring. Atsumu’s hands are so warm against his back and waist. He manages to tug the tablet of poison from a hidden pocket of his jacket and thumps his hand against Atsumu’s chest.

“We’ll see in the next one,” he replies, and loses consciousness.

* * *

“And that’s a service ace for Sakusa!”

The crowd shouts, “Nice shot, Sakusa!” and he clenches his fist in satisfaction, eyes fixed on the scoreboard that reads BJ – 6 and ADLERS – 7. Hinata and Bokuto come sprinting up towards him with arms outstretched for high fives. He rebuffs them to look over at Atsumu.

Atsumu grins through his glare and Sakusa shoots a smirk towards him, having already teased him about missing a serve earlier in the game.

“Nice serve, Omi-Omi,” Atsumu says.

“Second one of the day,” Sakusa replies, and huffs a laugh through his nose when he can see Atsumu’s annoyance grow further.

Teenage Sakusa in this timeline needed some more time coming to terms with Miya Atsumu as his soulmate. Facing off at the inter-high finals as part of Itachiyama and Inarizaki, he shifted his focus from his soulmate on the opposite team to the game in order to _defeat the team his soulmate was on_. Peak romance.

Atsumu barely reacted to him, either; it wasn’t until tryouts for the MSBY Black Jackals took place when they reconnected.

“Top 3 Ace,” Atsumu had greeted him with. “Whatchadoin’ here?”

“The same as you,” Sakusa had replied. “Trying out.”

“Best of luck. I’ve been meanin’ to practice some serves,” Atsumu said, and Sakusa had thought of the floaters sent his way back when they faced off. “Reckon you could receive ‘em for me?”

“You’d better set for me, then.”

“At the same time? Omi-kun,” Atsumu scoffed, and Sakusa’s eyes narrowed at the nickname. “You expectin’ me to run under the net or what?”

“Count it as a warmup.”

“Absolute terror, you are,” Atsumu said, and the rest was history.

There isn’t anyone else Sakusa wants to set to him, of course. Atsumu is incredibly skilled and there’s something in him that is satisfied, too, when Atsumu adopts that particular smug expression like a cat that got the cream when Sakusa is able to receive Ushijima’s serve and follow up with a spike within a span of a few seconds.

“Nice kill, Omi-Omi!” Atsumu holds up his hands and curls his fingers inward to imitate paws. Sakusa vividly flashes back to Atsumu taking a shift in the Jackasuke mascot suit and had tried to flop on top of him afterwards while drenched in sweat.

“Omi-Omi,” Atsumu wheedles, shaking his hands still held in the paw pose. Sakusa gives him a little sardonic one with one hand, smile mildly exasperated.

Atsumu’s grin only gets wider and he winks at Sakusa. The court camera has caught the interaction and the crowd predictably goes wild, Atsumu’s laugh breaking free and loud across the court when he throws an arm around Sakusa’s shoulders.

Sakusa rolls his eyes but doesn’t shrug him off. “Next serve,” he says.

* * *

And now, in this new modern lifetime, where Sakusa is waking up after four cycles of reincarnation, he’s aware he’s left Atsumu alone this entire time. He remembers as he’s making his way through his university classes exactly why he’s skipped so many.

It starts in a forest.

Sakusa is hovering above one of the temples built in his honor. This one, like many of the others, is at the precipice of the forest he presides over as a god. He has been the guardian of the forest for as long as he’s existed. The people have brought him to life by whispering of a man with antlers sprouting from his head and keep him alive as guardian by offering portions of their harvest every year and praying to him for good crops. His animal form is a pitch-black deer if you are lucky – or unlucky – enough to see it. 

Today, he listens carefully to the worshippers that arrive at this temple. There is a marriage occurring between different villages and his patrons ask for blessings from Sakusa and his partner Miya Atsumu, the nine-tailed fox god.

Atsumu had come to life when one village had found a pair of twin fox cubs orphaned by one of their hunters. Begging forgiveness to the forest and Sakusa himself, they had raised the foxes and released them, spinning a folktale of twin fox gods causing mischief in the forest and warning children not to get stolen away.

Atsumu and Osamu are not nearly as threatening as the folktales make them seem. Osamu presides over one of the mountain ranges nearby the forest and watches over brave climbers that attempt his summits. Atsumu’s favourite pastime is visiting the many shrines dedicated to Sakusa and himself and making harmless deals with mortals.

Their relationship had developed gradually, as relationships with immortals go. Sakusa had known of Atsumu’s existence after seeing him through one of his patron’s prayers, but was too stubborn to seek him out, thinking he could handle the gigantic forest and its people on his own. He was losing his influence and power because he had spread himself too thin, unable to even muster up the energy to show himself to his patrons, and they had begun losing faith. Atsumu was alone after his twin left to join Suna Rintarou, Tibetan fox god, up in the altitudes of the elevated plateaus and mountains nearby.

Sakusa remembers passing out once in the middle of the forest floor from exhaustion. Atsumu had found him then and had skittered away when Sakusa woke up, both of them wary with the knowledge of soulmates existing for beings like them. Had the worshippers spoken it into existence, or was it fate?

It didn’t matter. Their curiosity about each other sparked spending more time together than either were used to, and attempting to contact any higher gods brought them closer together. Managing the forest was more than enough work to keep them satisfied.

Something soft brushes the hem of his robes.

“Don’t appear to them, you’ll scare them out of their wits,” he says, one hand reaching to his side without looking. He catches the tip of a tail in his fingers.

“Why, Omi-kun,” Atsumu drawls, floating down to curl his arms around Sakusa’s shoulders from behind. “I’d say that would be the greatest blessing for them. Caught you, by the way.”

Sakusa leans back into his touch. “I’ve been told you bargained one of your tails in exchange for an impossible task.”

“’M not goin’ to lose one of my tails, Omi-Omi. It’s why it’s called an _impossible_ task.”

“I’d still rather you not risk a tail for a mortal. You’re not a cat, those aren’t nine lives.”

“Givin’ them ideas, d’you think?” Atsumu makes a meowing noise and Sakusa snorts.

“We only recently dealt with those seeking to kill us for our immortality,” Sakusa says. “And not fully dealt with, either; I can tell they’ve used some kind of cloaking spell.”

“We’ll get them in time, my love,” Atsumu says, sliding off to float next to Sakusa and peer down at their patrons. “Let’s hear what these people have to say first, yeah?”

It’s the general requests for health and good luck until the final request.

“And lastly, we humbly ask for rain,” a patron is saying. “The sun has been seemingly ever closer with each passing day; we’ve totaled four weeks without rain. The leaves wither at the edges. We ask for rain, which comes with tides, which comes with the moon, whose face has not been seen for weeks either.”

That catches both of their attentions.

“I reckon we should have a chat with Shouyou,” Atsumu says, and takes Sakusa’s hand to spirit him to the crown of the forest, up above the trees. Atsumu’s skillset includes inhuman speed and fire; Sakusa can control plant growth. He blinks a few times to adjust his vision from the cool dark forest floor to the bright sunlight.

“Shouyou,” Atsumu calls, one hand shielding his eyes as he calls out to the sun. “Got a second?”

“Hi,” Hinata says, a voice in their minds. “I’ve got something to talk to you two about, too.”

“We go first,” Atsumu says, and Sakusa nudges him for the rudeness. Atsumu nudges back and tucks himself under Sakusa’s arm.

“There’s been prayers for rain,” Sakusa explains. “Is there a reason why you’ve spent more time with clear skies lately?”

“Also, where’s Tobio?” Atsumu adds. Kageyama’s form as the moon, with its waxing and waning phases, means he has more time than Hinata to appear in animal form. Hinata is fixed in place as the sun.

“I’ve been looking for him,” Hinata says. “He’s been gone for longer than he said he would be; he took his crow form a few weeks ago and I’ve not seen him since. I’ve been spending a lot of energy to look for him wherever my sunlight reaches. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about – could you help me try finding him?”

Sakusa tilts his head. “Is this why you can’t assume your other form right now?” Normally Hinata would be able to drop down to the forest floor, molten lava shaped into a person.

“Yes,” Hinata says. “I think Tobio is somehow trapped in his crow form.”

“Sounds like those poachers,” Atsumu mutters, and Sakusa knows exactly what to look for.

“I’ll be able to find him,” he says. “Let’s agree on some rain; it would help me with the search.”

“Thank you,” Hinata hums. His happiness causes Atsumu and Sakusa to start to sweat. “Keep in touch!”

“He’s the sunlight, you’d think we’d be able to just speak at a sunbeam and he’d hear,” Atsumu says, once they’re back down to the forest floor.

“I think he’s just exhausted lately.” The sunlight hitting the ground dims and thunder rumbles.

“Not too exhausted to apparently give us rain immediately, huh?” Sakusa snorts and turns to start searching, but Atsumu grabs his wrist.

“Hold on,” he says, darting in front of Sakusa. “Where d’you think you’re goin’ without me?”

“Who’s the one who can feel every footstep in this forest?”

“Who’s the one who can get you there faster than your own speed?” Atsumu’s eyes narrow. The rain begins to pour; it passes right through them.

“I’ll be in deer form,” Sakusa says. “It’ll be faster than this. They just started settling down because of the storm and I’ll reach them within a few hours.”

“That’s more than enough time for me to come with you.”

“You’ll be getting plenty more prayers because of the rain,” Sakusa points out, which is true; both of them can sense patrons coming to the shrines to offer thanks. “I need you to take care of them. I won’t be long.”

Atsumu is still reluctant even though he acquiesces. He steps closer and all nine tails unfurl to fan around Sakusa, and he tucks his face into Sakusa’s neck. The silk of their robes feels cool against Sakusa's skin.

“I still don’t like it. Got a bad feelin’ about them, Omi-Omi.” Sakusa presses a kiss to one of Atsumu’s pointed ears.

“I know. That’s why we need to get rid of them completely.”

“Fair enough,” Atsumu sighs, and releases him. “Destroy them, Omi-kun.”

Sakusa transforms into his deer form and Atsumu transforms into a fox; they trot alongside each other until Atsumu breaks away to visit the first of many shrines. Sakusa picks up his pace.

Sakusa is able to track Tobio to one of the thicker parts of the forest. The daylight is even more dim here, but he can feel the pulse of _several_ other godly beings in the vicinity. When he comes upon the poachers’ camp, he knows why.

Two dragons writhe in enchanted metal cages. One is as pale as seafoam and the other is as blue as the deepest point in water; Sakusa knows them as Oikawa and Iwaizumi, river and ocean gods. The other two captives are Bokuto and Akaashi in their owl forms, gods of wind and fog. Tobio himself is in an lead birdcage. It seems as though the poachers are collecting as many as they can, perhaps for immortality.

There’s a rustle; Sakusa has been too into his own thoughts to realize it before a net ensnares him and his knees buckle.

He struggles and hears commotion coming from the others that are trapped. They’re not in their own realms and are weaker the farther they are from them. Sakusa wonders if they were captured in their own domains and what exactly he has gotten himself into here.

He’s still in the heart of the forest and still in his realm; he can still put up a fight.

Sakusa thrashes and transforms further into more of an anthropomorphic form. He grows to thirty feet tall, crushing centuries old redwood trees in the process, and hears the ropes of his net tearing and the shouting of the poachers. Leaning down, he knocks over the cages and sets the others free. They give chase to the poachers who are scattering.

There’s a strange metallic clicking. He turns, slowed by his large form, and is shot in the heart by a metal pellet. It brings him to his knees.

“Curse you,” one of the poachers hisses, shotgun smoking in the rain. “Curse you and the rest of your lives. You made us lose everything.”

Sakusa’s monstrous form vanishes. He drops to the ground, coughing and hacking up thick, metallic sludge. It sinks between his fingers and buries his hands. He pants heavily. One of the poachers grabs him by the antlers on his head and delivers a swift kick to his head.

The last thing he thinks of is how Atsumu is going to _kill_ him in their next life.

* * *

It’s taken four lifetimes without reincarnation in order for Sakusa’s soul to heal. He doesn’t remember anything except a quiet, pulsing darkness echoing _Atsumu_ and _find you_. If Sakusa was weaker, he believes that cursed bullet would have completely ended the reincarnation cycle.

He pushes into a crowded university class that isn’t his usual because his professor wants them to sit in on a different lecture and observe class behaviour for his sociology class. He’s been thinking about this so hard that he hasn’t been paying attention to which class he’s decided to sit in on.

Sakusa scans the rows of filled chairs for a seat. There’s more in the back; he can see the crowd better from back there, anyway. He jogs his way up the lecture hall stairs.

“– and I was sayin’, ‘I think everythin’s fine, let’s wait for the doctor –’ and he was like, ‘Well I read on the internet –’ and the doc said in the _most_ condescendin’ tone, ‘And what _did_ the internet tell you?’ Nearly sprained my ankle a second time that day from laughin’.”

Sakusa’s steps slow down on the stairs. He turns toward the voice.

Atsumu and Sakusa lock eyes. Sakusa feels his breath leave his chest, replaced by the memories of eons of Atsumu. He blinks once, twice, and Atsumu’s expression goes from complete shock to blank with anger.

Sakusa takes a seat a few rows behind Atsumu. He can barely concentrate on what he needs to for his sociology class. All he can see in his line of vision is the blonde tufts of Atsumu’s hair.

The class ends and Sakusa tries to control his hands while he packs up his bag. Carefully, he follows Atsumu out of the building and across the university courtyard. Atsumu eventually stops and turns around; Sakusa steps forward, relief flooding through him.

“Atsumu – ”

“I don’t know you.”


	2. i'll tell only the truth

“I don’t know you,” Atsumu says, a thin, empty smile on his face, and ice lances through Sakusa’s heart.

“Stop followin’ me. I don’t want anythin’ to do with you.” Atsumu turns away again to get on a traincar and Sakusa scrambles to follow.

They’re separated on the train, but Atsumu in the corner of his peripheral vision is like a beacon. Pushing through disgruntled train passengers, he follows Atsumu off the train and grabs at his hand. It feels like a bolt of electricity shoots up his arm.

Atsumu wrenches his hand out of Sakusa’s grip like he’s been burnt.

“Stop.”

“Atsumu –“

“I don’t care what explanations you’ve got.”

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“So I was told,” Atsumu scoffs.

“You’d think Hinata would lie to you?” Sakusa gestures at himself. “You’d think _I_ would lie to you?”

“I don’t know who you are now,” Atsumu repeats. “Hinata had Tobio back, he never said anythin’ to me. He didn’t have the chance.”

Sakusa’s brow furrows. “Why not?”

“I burned it all.” Atsumu’s face still has that blank expression.

Sakusa can feel his face drop in shock. “You burnt the entire forest? Where did you go?”

“I burned myself with it,” he says, and his eyes glint hard and angry. “Oh, sure, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Bokuto, Akaashi, they all talked about your sacrifice. I searched for your body for _weeks_ and never found it. D’you know what they did to you?”

Sakusa shakes his head. “I can’t remember anything except the dark and the cold from then until now.”

“They _ate_ you,” Atsumu spits. “For godly power or somethin’. I searched the entire forest for their presence. I can move faster than they can, and I still wasn’t fast enough. I still found your carcass roastin’ on a spitfire.”

“And you burned them,” Sakusa says again, in disbelief. The entire forest disappearing would have taken enough of Atsumu’s power to deplete him to total fragility, risking his soul, too.

“Them and everythin’ else,” Atsumu says, with no regret in his tone. “What was the forest without you? What was godhood without you? What was _livin’_ without you? Nothin’,” he finishes. “And I’ve had’ta live four lifetimes hopin’ you’d come around, not knowin’ if you’d had enough of me or if you were gone forever.”

Atsumu gives a frustrated sigh. “All you had t’do was let me come with you instead of bein’ the hero –”

“The rest of them were waiting for me, because I was the most powerful there. The forest was my domain, the poachers were in my domain –”

“That was _our_ domain,” Atsumu says. “That was what you vowed to me, and you left me anyway.”

“And what if they had killed you with the same bullet that killed me?” Sakusa can’t even begin to imagine. "We wouldn’t even be here right now had you come with me.”

Atsumu for the first time is caught off guard. “What d’you mean?”

“It was a cursed bullet,” he explains. “It was supposed to erase my soul.”

“And our bond?” Sakusa nods. Atsumu shakes his head, unwilling to yield.

“The Kiyoomi I know would’ve come back.”

Sakusa crosses his arms. “Aren’t I here now?”

Atsumu blinks. Sakusa wants to argue more, to yell about how lucky they are to even be here together again, but his thoughts start to dissolve because Atsumu is _right there,_ after four lifetimes, and what they’re doing right now is _arguing._

“I’m here now,” he repeats. “Where else would I be?”

Atsumu has apparently nothing to say to that. Sakusa takes the chance to step closer and raises one hand to cradle Atsumu’s jaw.

“Caught you,” he breathes. Atsumu sways into his touch.

“You caught me,” Atsumu reiterates. The softness of it pierces Sakusa’s chest, an echo of a knife from ages ago. Atsumu’s eyelids flutter closed at Sakusa’s touch and stay closed for several heartbeats, before opening again to fix Sakusa with a wary stare.

“You’re sure we’re safe now?”

“I woke up here as an adult,” Sakusa says. “That’s new. If the cycle was broken, I don’t think I’d even show up at all.”

“That’s the impression I was under,” Atsumu says, and Sakusa again feels the weight of how long Atsumu was alone.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I needed those four lifetimes to successfully clear it.”

Atsumu shrugs and runs a hand through his hair, stepping back. “I shoulda’ known somethin’ was up. I woke up each time grown up n’ aware you were missin’.”

Sakusa nods. “It’s never happened like that before.”

“D’you think findin’ each other now means things go back to normal?”

“We’ll just have to find out next time,” Sakusa says, and shifts his weight on his feet. They’re still one and a half feet too far apart.

“Huh,” Atsumu says, fake realization in his voice. “What to do with the rest of this lifetime, then?”

“That’s your call,” Sakusa says. “You could leave me for four lifetimes if you want and we’ll call it even.”

“And let you have _another_ four more lifetimes of peace without me? Don’t think so, Omi-kun.” Atsumu takes Sakusa’s hand in his own and tugs them up to an apartment building. “Come home with me.”

Sakusa snorts. “Of course.”

Atsumu snorts back. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so willin’. In other lifetimes, I’d have to do a lot more convincin’ than that.”

“Four lifetimes can do that to you,” Sakusa murmurs, and Atsumu laughs.

“Just rarin’ to go then, are you?” Atsumu wiggles his eyebrows and unlocks the door to his flat.

“If you’d let me.”

Atsumu turns around with wide eyes. “That’s unfair, Omi-Omi, you can’t just say those things in public.”

“So you’ll let me say them in private?” Sakusa shucks off his jacket and bag and tosses them on a nearby chair. “We’re currently in your apartment.” Atsumu is backing up into the hallway towards the bedroom.

“Depends on what kinds of things. I’m a tough crowd.”

“I need you,” Sakusa says, and Atsumu shakes his head with a wry smile on his face. Atsumu gets onto the bed and pulls Sakusa in. Or Sakusa himself pushes towards him, greedy for heat. It doesn’t matter – nothing else matters now that they’re here.

“I waited four lifetimes, Omi-Omi, try harder.”

“Just touch me,” Sakusa snaps, patience already fraying, and he can feel the laugh Atsumu gives him warm him from his chest all the way to his fingertips.

Undressing each other occurs in a blur. Sakusa’s attention seems to be everywhere and nowhere at once; the way Atsumu’s chest heaves with exertion, how his hands feel on Sakusa’s thighs, the sting of his teeth marking up Sakusa’s neck and collarbones. Sakusa is on top of Atsumu and maps Atsumu’s abdomen with his hands. He slides them down to their cocks to hold them against each other.

“Four lifetimes, Omi-Omi,” Atsumu pants, his hands spanning Sakusa’s waist to encourage his hips into a rhythm against his. “How’re you gonna make it up to me?”

“By staying,” Sakusa says, and presses their mouths together to kiss the startled look off of Atsumu’s face.

“Lemme open you up,” Atsumu says, when they break the kiss. “I need to remember what it feels like when you come around me.” He blindly reaches for condoms and lube from the bedside table drawer. Sakusa grabs one to put on Atsumu and their hands get in the way of each other as Atsumu tries to press his fingers against Sakusa, and they break into laughter.

“Th’ condom can wait, Omi-kun, hold on.”

“I’m trying to get you in me as fast as I can, _you’re_ supposed to work with _me_ here.” Sakusa gets the condom on and uses one hand to squeeze around the head, the other hand petting at the soft skin at the base of Atsumu’s cock. Atsumu’s hips jump into his hands and the rest of his body curves towards Sakusa’s touch when Sakusa lifts his hands off to toy with Atsumu’s chest and nipples, rubbing them under his thumbs.

“We’ve never met,” Atsumu murmurs, “and you still know exactly how to touch me.”

“I’ve never forgotten,” Sakusa replies. He leans down and presses a kiss to Atsumu’s forehead and Atsumu chokes out a sob. Sakusa reaches back to guide Atsumu’s fingers into him and Atsumu watches Sakusa’s expression relax with pleasure with a bright, burning gaze.

Sakusa can feel the blush on his face rise even as his eyes are closed while Atsumu opens him up with two, then three fingers. The necklace of hickeys stings, but Sakusa enjoys it. It reminds him he’s alive.

Atsumu sits up with Sakusa in his lap and eases Sakusa down over his cock. Sakusa’s breathing comes out shaky and he grips Atsumu’s shoulders, willing himself to relax. When Atsumu doesn’t move, he opens his eyes to Atsumu tucking his face into Sakusa’s neck.

“What if this _is_ the last cycle?” Atsumu asks, lips trembling against his skin. “What if the curse worked and this is the last lifetime we’ll find each other?”

Sakusa pushes one hand into Atsumu’s hair and rubs comforting circles with his fingertips into Atsumu’s undercut. He rolls his hips and Atsumu pants into his neck. “Then what are you waiting for?”

Atsumu flips them over, eyes dark and pupils blown. He holds Sakusa flat against the bed with one hand on his abdomen, rises up on his knees with Sakusa’s legs spread on either side of him, and thrusts once, hard. Sakusa’s gasp punches out of his lungs like a gunshot.

The pace Atsumu sets is messy and desperate, but Sakusa doesn’t mind. He isn’t looking to be romanced; they have that already. Sakusa is looking to get ruined, to have Atsumu’s touch branded into his skin, so that he’ll still feel the aftershocks of orgasm in the next lifetimes to come. The drag of Atsumu’s cock and the way the head catches on the rim of his entrance makes Sakusa’s head spin.

He’s noticed Atsumu hasn’t looked straight at him since they fell into bed. Sakusa reaches with both hands to pull Atsumu’s face towards his. “Atsumu, look at me.”

“I _can’t,_ ” Atsumu says, something desperate in his voice, eyes clenched shut. Sakusa strokes his fingertips along his damp cheekbones. “I’ve dreamt about this for too long. If I open my eyes and you’re not here, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I’m flattered you have wet dreams about me.”

“Fuck you,” Atsumu laughs. His eyelashes are wet. “That’s exactly what you’d say when I’m tellin’ you my heart’s been broken, Omi-kun.”

Sakusa hums a soothing noise, hands rubbing warm along Atsumu’s back. “You’re not dreaming. Who else would I be? Where else would I be if not here with you?”

“Gone,” Atsumu mumbles, and Sakusa rolls them so that he’s above Atsumu once more. His forearms land on either side of Atsumu’s head. Atsumu stares up at him, eyes wide and wet, breaths hiccupping from trying not to break down.

Sakusa rolls his hips, slow and torturous, dragging a groan from deep in Atsumu’s chest. “Atsumu, look at me,” he says, into the space between them that always has been theirs.

“I’m here now. Burn this into your memory. I’m yours.” Atsumu moans and rocks his hips up at just the right angle and Sakusa’s legs shake. He drops his forehead to Atsumu’s.

“I’m yours. I’m not leaving ever again. I love you,” he gasps, each sentence punctuated with a thrust from Atsumu. “I’ve missed you; I love you, I’m here –”

“Kiyoomi,” Atsumu begs, and Sakusa continues saying _I love you_ and _I’m here_ and _I’m not leaving_ like a mantra, like a spell. The thread of orgasm pulls taut in his stomach and Atsumu reaches for his cock so Sakusa can push into his hand for stimulation.

The tears on their faces mix and fall to the bedsheets. When they come, it’s a supernova, the sound of Atsumu’s ragged breathing and the rise of his chest underneath Sakusa’s fingertips shaking Sakusa down to his core. They come down from the high and slump into one another.

Sakusa flops one arm to grab the tissues from the tissue box on the bedside table and eases his hips off to clean them up and discard the condom. Atsumu falls back with a sated sigh and keeps one hand on Sakusa’s arm to pull him into bed when Sakusa is done cleaning up.

Atsumu bites his lip and Sakusa feels his touch on his neck. “I.. may have left some marks.”

“That’s fine,” Sakusa says, shifting onto his side to face Atsumu. The duvet slips from his chest to expose his shoulder and collarbone. “You’ll have to keep leaving them, so I wake up in the next cycle knowing exactly who I belong with. Moles are supposed to be where your lover in a past life kisses you the most.” Sakusa is positively littered with moles, and Atsumu groans and hits with him a pillow.

“You’re absolutely not allowed to say anythin’ that romantic ever again. In _any_ lifetime. I just can’t take it, Omi-Omi,” Atsumu whines, and Sakusa huffs a laugh through his nose.

“It’s a nice change to have the upper hand all of a sudden.”

“Oh, you think I’m concedin’ defeat? I’m levelin’ the playin’ ground.”

“So you’re saying I have an unfair advantage? Meaning I’m better in the first place?”

“I razed the earth for you,” Atsumu says, and Sakusa smacks his hands on either side of his face when he snickers.

“That was incredibly selfish of you.”

“You would’ve done the same.” He’s not laughing now. Deep down, they both know this is true.

Sakusa sighs. “Truce.”

“Truce, Omi-Omi. In this lifetime. Kiss me to seal the deal.” Sakusa’s grip on Atsumu’s face loosens.

When they kiss, Atsumu’s smile against his feels like fate.

* * *

Sakusa hates the beach. But he’s stuck with this summer job minding the paddleboat rental booth and sweating out of his skin.

He hears a low wolf whistle come from his left. Scowling, he turns to snap at whoever whistled – he’s shirtless, yes, but it’s a _beach_ and people still need to treat him like a human _being_ –

“Y’truly are the definition of sun-kissed, Omi-Omi.”

Atsumu stands with a surfboard tucked under one arm, tanned skin on display, swim trunks on and shark tooth necklace dangling at his chest. His grin is sharp, slick, and all too familiar.

“I don’t tan,” Sakusa snaps, feeling off-kilter and at home at the same time, as he always does when he meets Atsumu for the first (millionth) time. “Are you sure you know what sun kissed means?”

“Lookin’ at those freckles n’ moles on those shoulders of yours, Omi-kun, I’d say you’re quite doted on by the sun herself.”

They both remember a different, more painful time.

“You’ve got some competition then, when it comes to doting on me."

“How am I doin’ so far?”

“You haven’t done anything, so zero.” He tips up his chin in challenge and thinks of shark teeth when Atsumu’s amused scoff flashes his canines.

“Lucky we’ve got the rest of our lifetimes, haven’t we?”

Sakusa turns away to help a customer. The upwards tilt of the corners of his mouth tells Atsumu _yes_.

**Author's Note:**

> me @ me: (glances at chapter one) this is a lot of plotline to get two characters to kiss  
> me @ me: story of my life tho
> 
> title from [no drug like me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVocX_uNTIU) by carly rae jepsen. 
> 
> thank you for reading!


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